Conclusion

We like to be judged in terms of what we have accomplished in the human relationships department. Read this statement:

“I managed to get my client half of her husband’s properties overseas and alimony and child support payments of close to $250,000 a year plus the three cars, the country home, his art collection and half of his stocks.”
Compare the foregoing with this one:

“I didn’t really do anything special that I can be proud of, except perhaps provide adequately for my family and raise good children. Happily, they turned out to be well-abiding citizens and I guess that’s the best reward there is.”

In the first statement, we see shades of greed and materialism, in the second, humility and self-effacement. Who has made a genuine contribution for the betterment of society?

Much as it sounds terribly old-fashioned, marriage is a commitment, and individuals must make every attempt not to cheapen that commitment in any way. Staying married is a lifelong, missionary-like endeavour.

It takes guts. It takes nerves of steel to make a marriage work. A sense of humour and a lower degree of self-importance can sustain us in that work.

The obstacles will be numerous, and there will be situations where we will question our sanity, unsure if we can really hang in there.

It will be a monumental effort to remain attracted to the same qualities that attracted you to your spouse on the first day you met. Your spouse is still the same person you fell in love with, he has not changed his soul, his being, only his wardrobe.

So if there’s only way to divorce, but a thousand ways to save your marriage, which path will you choose? Are you going to throw in the towel or take up one more challenge?

There’s very little meaning to saving face or saving dollars; it’s much more noble and enduring to save souls. But you won’t unlock the meaning of this statement in your youth or in your 30’s.

Best to wait until you reach mid-life, until your maturity has come full circle, and you get to the point where you don’t want to turn your back on the most important investment of your life, where every nerve of your body cries out, “You’ve got to save us.”

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References:

John Crouch, Executive Director. Americans for Divorce Reform, Arlington, Virginia. www.divorceform@usa.net.

David G. Schramm, Utah State University, USA.

Katherine Heine, Cox News Service, Nov. 2005 (www.americanvalues.org/html/r-unhappy_ii.html)

David Popenoe, the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, New Brunswick, N.J, 2002.

Dr. H.B. Biem, Separate Future. Centax Books. Saskatchewan, Canada. 1993.

Paula Dore of Glenview, Illinois, who participated in the National Marriage Encounter, an initiative that is all over the United States as compiled by Michael Leach and Therese J. Borchard (editors). I Like Being Married. Doubleday Books. New York. 2002.

Doctors Melvyn Kinder and Connell Cowan. Husbands and Wives: Exploding Marital Myths, Deepening Love and Desire. Clarkson N Potter Inc., New York. 1989.

William Masters, Virginia Johnson, Robert Kolodny. Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human Loving. Little, Brown & Company, Ltd. USA. 1985.

Doctor Mary Pipher. The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding our Families. G.P. Putnam’s Sons, New York. 1996.

E. Mavis Heatherington and John Kelly. For Better or for Worse. W.W. Norton & Company, New York, 2002.

Dr. Sonya Rhodes. Second Honeymoon. A Pioneering Guide for Reviving the Mid-Life Marriage. William Morrow & Co., New York, 1992.

John Crouch, Executive Director. Americans for Divorce Reform, Arlington,Virginia. www.divorceform@usa.net.

David G. Schramm, Utah State University, USA.

David G. SchrammKatherine Heine, Cox News Service, Nov. 2005 (www.americanvalues.org/html/r-unhappy_ii.html)
Katherine Heine.

David Popenoe, the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, New Brunswick,N.J, 2002.

Dr. H.B. Biem, Separate Future. Centax Books. Saskatchewan, Canada. 1993.

Paula Dore of Glenview, Illinois, who participated in the National Marriage Encounter, an initiative that is all over the United States as compiled by Michael Leach and Therese J. Borchard (editors). I Like Being Married. Doubleday Books. New York. 2002.

Doctors Melvyn Kinder and Connell Cowan. Husbands and Wives: Exploding Marital Myths,

Deepening Love and Desire. Clarkson N Potter Inc., New York. 1989.

William Masters, Virginia Johnson, Robert Kolodny. Masters and Johnson on Sex and
Human Loving. Little, Brown & Company, Ltd. USA. 1985.

Doctor Mary Pipher. The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding our Families. G.P.Putnam’s Sons, New York. 1996.

E. Mavis Heatherington and John Kelly. For Better or for Worse. W.W. Norton &
Company, New York, 2002.

Kinder and Cowan, Husbands and Wives

Dr. Sonya Rhodes. Second Honeymoon. A Pioneering Guide for Reviving the Mid-Life
Marriage. William Morrow & Co., New York, 1992.

Dr. Sonya Rhodes, ibid.